please stand up, please stand up

Apparently, I own and publish a New Jersey alternative weekly newspaper. I'm also, apparently, a complete tool who's more concerned about getting people to look at his "beautiful, full-page ads" than producing something that reaches the largest number of people, which is the reason he refuses to put his paper's content online. I can understand the reasoning behind it as a business model, but why even bother making a newspaper if the point isn't to get people to read it? At this point, he's admitting that the primary purpose of his publication is to advertise and the columns are just the lure to get people to look at the ads. I am such a dick.

I'm also an award-winning South African writer and Professor of English. He's Jewish, he's prolific, and a few of his works have been adapted for the stage. One even ran on Broadway for about six months. I like this me. This me lives in London.

Finally, I'm also a senior at Arizona State University who got bored one day and decided to friend every other Dan Jacobson on Facebook. I don't write on his wall or look at his page ever, I don't really give a shit what's going on with his life at all, but I keep him as a friend for one very specific reason. Every now and then, he'll update his status and it'll show up on my news feed, but it happens rarely enough that something strange always happens. I'll see something like "Dan Jacobson just bought a new car!" or "Dan Jacobson is hung over" and a weird part of my brain gets tickled. "When did that happen?" is invariably my first thought. It appeals to the part of me that eternally suspects I'm in a Philip K. Dick story or an episode of The Twilight Zone. In a small, bizarre way, it keeps me on my toes.