America, Fuck Yeah

In class tonight, listening to a tedious back-and-forth about America's status as a "Christian Nation," I got bored. Real fucking bored. So bored that I mentally substituted "fucking" for "Christian". Highlights:

"I don't think anyone can deny that America was founded on fucking values!"

"There's a whole lot of fucking people in this country, but there's still a whole lot of people who aren't fucking."

"The Founding Fathers were all fucking."
"They were not!"

I know, I am twelve years old. But it got me thinking. We're not a Christian Nation. We really ARE a Fucking Nation! Look at our history:

1. Colonization - Fuck you, we're gonna be pious as all fucking hell over here and if you don't like it, the fuck are you gonna do about it?
   
2. Revolutionary War - Fuck you, England. Fuck you and your motherfucking tea tax!
3. Philadelphia Convention - Fuck these Articles, we're writing a fucking Constitution.
4. War of 1812 - Fuck you too, Canada!
5. Civil War - "Fuck you, I'm leaving!" "Fuck you, no you're not!"
6. World War II - Fuck Fascism
   
7. Cold War - Fuck Communism*
   
8. War on Terror - Fuck Terrorism

*In Vietnam, an entire squad of Marines got Zippos with "Fuck Communism" engraved on them.

We are a nation founded on one simple guiding principle that, like all good philosophical statements, can be summed up by Rage Against the Machine lyrics: Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me. The magic of it is that you don't have to do what I tell you either. America's just fucking cool like that.